One of the key ingredients of English 111 that students were to leave knowing was the revision process. Near the begining of this class students were asked to submit a diagnostic essay. Towards the end of the class, students were instructed to revise their essays and post them together to make the improvements obvious. Here's mine:

First Draft:

Over the course of my short time on this wondrous planet, I have been lucky enough to learn from a great number of interesting influences, be they people, literature, media or events. I had the distinct privilege of being raised by and around people who took it upon themselves to make sure that I had the influences that they believed I needed. As a child my most prominent influence was, no doubt, my mother. She definitely instilled within me the values and morals I posses today. Although she takes the title in shaping my life, she cannot do so in changing it; I feel that I am due that honor. The person I was just two short years ago is vastly different from the person I am now and ultimately will be. This is such, due solely to the conscious decisions I have made within my life and self.
As I reminisce about my life’s history, I am reminded of all the ideals and behaviors I chose to change, refine or retain. Values I’d already obtained and chose to dictate my actions were; my lust for knowledge, the ability to forgive and above all reverence and love for the Mother Earth and Universe. These key ingredients seemed, to me, the best foundation for a happy life.
As an adolescent, I did many, many things that made me into someone I never planed, or wanted, to be. I looked up to a number of influences that twisted my beliefs and thoughts around, ultimately feeding them back to me as if they were my own. Eventually, through the grace of God and of my own determination, I realized that only I posses the power to change my life. It was about this time that I began to understand what should motivate me. This was the epiphany I needed to orient myself in a morally satisfying direction and start my transformation into adulthood. Though I chose values I already possessed to determine my actions, the biggest changes made came in what I chose to change. I analyzed all the positives and negatives in my life, decided what to surround myself with and what to separate myself from and then began to act!
When the haze of adolescence wore thin, I truly grasped the concepts I had previously been toying with. I sought out therapy for my severe depression, ultimately landing me a place in the residential psych ward for fear I would hurt myself. There, I re-devoted myself to the so-called “Christian” way of life. I put more emphasis on the way I treated people and did my best to bring joy to others, despite minor inconveniences to myself. The way I presented myself until that time was, dare I say, atrocious! I walked with my head hung low, radiating the essence of self-loathing. As these facts came to my attention, I decided, for a time, I would try looking up at the majesty that surrounds me daily.
This idea was the catalyst in a myriad of events leading to my improved self confidence. From looking up, I gained a wonderful new perspective on my place in this world. I decided that life was too short to be anything less than happy. From this decision another came into light; how I presented myself did not only encompass my body language but also my dress, which was very dark and foreboding to anyone who might have possibly been interested in knowing me. After changing my whole self image, people began to take an interest in my unique world vision and I began gaining friends. Gaining friends led me to revamp my view of school. It was no longer a place of degradation but a social and intellectual paradise! I was truly amazed at how one simple difference in the way I looked at life, could change everything I knew to be constant. Changes made in the extreme were the most obvious but, perhaps, not the most beneficial. Humans constantly redefine what it is to be human. In the same manner, I am constantly redefining and refining what it is to be me. Everyday I live, I gain some sort of knowledge. It’s not always noticeably beneficial, but still, I may learn something of a greater part. For all the changes I have made pertaining to my daily learnt knowledge, I have most changed my life.

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Revised Draft:

There are several features of my life that I am delighted to deem myself lucky for having, encountering or escaping, but in the short time I have spent on this wondrous planet, I consider myself the most lucky because I had the all too rare chance to learn from a vast number of fascinating influences including, but certainly not limited to, the people I have encountered, the literature I have read, the media that bombards us all daily and the events, good and bad, that have taught or molded me into the person I am so proud to be today.
The distinct privilege of being raised by and around superb authority figures was mine; People who took it upon themselves to ensure they were showing and being conducive, superior influences that they believed I needed. As a child my most prominent influence was, without a doubt, my mother. She unquestionably instilled within me the values and morals I posses today. Although she takes the title in shaping my life, she cannot do so in changing it; I feel that I am due that honor. The creature I was just two ephemeral years ago is vastly different from the individual I am now and ultimately will be. This is such, due solely to the conscious decisions I have made within my life and self.
I am not so ignorant to say that I am the only thing that changed my life, I simply mean that I feel that the steps that I have personally decided to set in motion, (due to ideas formulated from information collected from outside sources) are the biggest changes in my recent life.
As I reminisce about my life’s history, I am reminded of all the ideals and behaviors I chose to change, refine or retain. Values I’d already obtained and chose to dictate my actions were; my lust for knowledge, the ability to forgive and above all reverence and love for the Mother Earth and Universe. These key ingredients seemed, to me, the best foundation for a happy life.
As an adolescent, I did many, many things that made me into someone I never planed, or wanted, to be. I looked up to a number of influences that twisted my beliefs and thoughts around, ultimately feeding them back to me as if they were my own. Eventually, through the grace of God and of my own determination, I realized that only I posses the power to change my life. It was about this time that I began to understand what should motivate me. This was the epiphany I needed to orient myself in a morally satisfying direction and start my transformation into adulthood. Though I chose values I already possessed to determine my actions, the biggest changes made came in what I chose to change. I analyzed all the positives and negatives in my life, decided what to surround myself with and what to separate myself from and then began to act!
When the haze of adolescence wore thin, I truly grasped the concepts I had previously been toying with. I sought out therapy for my severe depression, ultimately landing me a place in the residential psych ward for fear I would hurt others or myself. During my stay there, I re-devoted myself to the so-called “Christian” way of life. I set more emphasis on the way that I treat people and did my best to bring joy to others, despite minor inconveniences to myself. After implementing these decisions, I went to the opposite extreme, allowing myself to be walked on. As the natural way of maturation took its course, I began to settle in a satisfactory middle ground.
The way I presented myself until that time was, dare I say, atrocious! I walked, unaware of anything outside of my morbid thoughts, with my head hung low, radiating the essence of self-loathing. As the way I presented myself became apparent to me, I decided to devote, for a time, more attention to my outward appearance. I decided that I would embark on a journey, my first attempt in years at looking up at the majesty that surrounds me daily.
The idea to look up was the catalyst in a myriad of events leading to my improved self-confidence. As I began looking up more often, I began to be enlightened to a wonderful new perspective of my place in this world. I attribute some of the new found happiness I had obtained to a Caratonin increase caused by increased sunlight but I know this is not the only factor, by far, that contributed to my metamorphosis. I feel that a big part of this reformation was my decision that life was too short to be anything less than happy. From this decision another came into light; how I presented myself did not only encompass my body language but also my dress, which was very dark and foreboding to anyone who might have possibly been interested in knowing me. After changing my whole self-image, people began to take an interest in my unique world vision and I began gaining friends. Gaining friends led me to revamp my view of school. It was no longer a place of degradation but a social and intellectual paradise! I was truly amazed at how one simple difference in the way I looked at life, could change everything I knew to be constant. Changes made in the extreme were the most obvious but, perhaps, not the most beneficial. Humans constantly redefine what it is to be human. In the same manner, I am constantly redefining and refining what it is to be me. Everyday I live; I gain some sort of knowledge. It’s not always noticeably beneficial, but still, I may learn something of a greater part. For all the changes I have made pertaining to my daily learnt knowledge, I have most changed my life.

http://www.karenkuehn.com/photos/series/dreamgirl/Hippie-Girl-2.jpg